Kaylee Muthart, once a bright high school student with aspirations of becoming a marine biologist, has shared the devastating story behind the tragic moment when she gouged out her own eyes.
Kaylee Muthart, now 26, grew up in Anderson, South Carolina, where she was once the epitome of promise. With straight-A grades, membership in the National Honor Society, and a burning desire to pursue marine biology, her future seemed limitless.
But as the years wore on, the weight of life’s challenges began to take their toll, leading her down a path she could never have imagined. Her once-bright future dimmed, and in a tragic twist of fate, Kaylee found herself on a journey that would forever change her, leaving her blind.
An irregular heartbeat
At 17, Kaylee was like so many other teenagers, trying to juggle the responsibilities of life while still holding on to her dreams. Determined to buy her own car, she worked long hours at a part-time job, but it wasn’t just the grueling shifts that wore her down. Kaylee had a heart arrhythmia, an irregular heartbeat that would sometimes leave her feeling drained and anxious.
As her health began to falter, so did her grades. The pressure of balancing work, school, and her physical limitations mounted, and at a crossroads, she made a decision that would alter her life forever — she left school.
By the age of 18, Muthart started drinking and smoking marijuana. She admitted to Cosmopolitan that addiction ran in her family, but she actively avoided harder substances, believing they were too dangerous. But one fateful encounter with laced marijuana at the age of 19 would set off a tragic chain of events.
After smoking the marijuana, Muthart felt an unusual high, one that she described as bringing her closer to God. She suspected that the weed had been laced with either cocaine or methamphetamine, though she could never confirm it. Betrayed by her friend, she left her job and distanced herself from the person she believed was responsible for the experience.
Picking at her skin until it bled
Soon, Muthart’s life began to spiral. She struggled to find steady work, and with increasing loneliness and sadness, she turned to alcohol and drugs to cope.
After a difficult breakup, Muthart’s mental health deteriorated even further. She was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but the diagnosis came too late to prevent the downward spiral.
As she continued to experiment with various substances, Muthart tried heroin for the first time with a friend, which led to hallucinations. She found herself picking at her skin until it bled, and embarrassed by the welts, she began missing work. Eventually, she lost her job and continued down the dangerous path of addiction, eventually turning to ecstasy.
On ecstasy, Muthart began to misinterpret the Bible, convinced that the drug would bring her closer to God. She rapidly escalated her usage, going from smoking meth to snorting it and eventually injecting it. Despite multiple attempts to quit, her addiction only deepened. Her mother, feeling helpless, struggled to get her the help she so desperately needed. Kaylee continued to insist that she had everything under control, even as her mental and physical health deteriorated.
After a tense conversation with her mother, who recorded Kaylee saying the world was ”too evil” in an attempt to get her help, Muthart made a tragic decision. The next day, still under the influence of meth, she took an even larger dose than before.
It was on that fateful day, while still high and hallucinating, that Muthart reached a horrifying conclusion.
”I thought everything would end abruptly, and everyone would die, if I didn’t tear out my eyes immediately,” she recalled.
Muthart believed that in order to ”right the world,” she had to make the ultimate sacrifice. When she was approached by a man with a Biblical name, she saw it as a sign. In a state of delusion, she tore out both of her eyes, pushing her fingers into her sockets until her eyeballs were detached.
As she screamed, ”I want to see the light,” a pastor heard her cries and restrained her before the damage became even worse.
When paramedics arrived, they found her in a horrifying state, with her eyeballs still attached, though crushed. Her piercing green eyes, which sometimes looked blue, were gone.
She was airlifted to the hospital where doctors performed emergency surgery to remove what remained of her eyes, working desperately to preserve her optic nerves and prevent infection.
Muthart was left blind but survived the ordeal, and during her recovery, she made a pivotal decision to stay off drugs. Though her life has forever changed, she is now committed to moving forward with optimism. After a week in the hospital, she was transferred to a psychiatric inpatient treatment facility, where she was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
New prosthetic eyes
In 2020, she received new prosthetic eyes from Dr. Joseph Gorrin in Greenville, marking a significant milestone in her recovery. ”I was so excited to get them,” Kaylee said. “I just wanted to appear more normal to the outside world.”
Her boyfriend, Alex George, was deeply moved by the moment, sharing that seeing Kaylee receive her prosthetic eyes “melted” his heart. He said, “She was never any different to me, but I know she’s wanted this for a very long time and I’m so happy she has this now. I felt so much joy, love, appreciation and thanks to God.”
Kaylee celebrated the milestone by FaceTiming her mom, who was overcome with emotion. “She cried with happiness too,” Kaylee said. “She is so excited for me and this next chapter in my life.”
”I feel optimistic about my future,” Muthart says today, despite the challenges she now faces. ”It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path, but from the bottom of my heart, I’m so glad I’m here.”
Though Muthart’s dreams of becoming a marine biologist seem far away, she hasn’t abandoned them. She remains hopeful that she can rebuild her life and one day fulfill her childhood aspirations.
Her harrowing story serves as a reminder of the dangers of addiction and the importance of seeking help before it’s too late. Despite the darkness she endured, Kaylee Muthart is determined to find the light again.
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